A Heartfelt Apology
Today I received a distressing email from a Mr G____ P____. He complains that I have been neglecting to update this blog. This causes him serious inconvenience, as he has developed a disturbing obsession with the blog, checking it compulsively twenty times an hour, hoping for an informative update.
It may be questioned, of course, whether he is likely to find anything vaguely resembling worthwhile knowledge on this website. But his remarks triggered off my latent egomania, and I realised that I have abandoned my devoted public. No doubt, across the globe there are people, even whole communities, weeping with frustration at my inability to type another entry. But such are the pressures of fame - and I say to those people: Get a Grip! Stop living vicariously through the internet! In fact, why not empower yourself by starting your own blog - about waiting for other blogs to be updated. Of course, no-one would want to read this small-time rubbish. But, if nothing else you'd be contributing to a curious statistic : more people write blogs than actually read them.
But on with my adventures! Since last posting, I have been engaged in a project teaching a pig to sing. And, sadly, the attempt ended in total, complete and unmitigated failure. The damn thing just wouldn't hold a tune. It tried to trick me too - deceiving me with elaborate dance routines to cover up its failure. But its sensitive interpretation of Swan Lake couldn't disguise its utter inability to memorise the lyrics to the Beatles' back catalogue. I was tempted to shoot it, but it pleaded so eloquently, I let it go. So ungrateful, really; it just couldn't learn, couldn't see beyond its own nose. So blind to the possibility of triumph.
I vented my frustrations by driving into a wilderness and screaming at rotten tree stump. And then I came home to update this blog.
Today I received a distressing email from a Mr G____ P____. He complains that I have been neglecting to update this blog. This causes him serious inconvenience, as he has developed a disturbing obsession with the blog, checking it compulsively twenty times an hour, hoping for an informative update.
It may be questioned, of course, whether he is likely to find anything vaguely resembling worthwhile knowledge on this website. But his remarks triggered off my latent egomania, and I realised that I have abandoned my devoted public. No doubt, across the globe there are people, even whole communities, weeping with frustration at my inability to type another entry. But such are the pressures of fame - and I say to those people: Get a Grip! Stop living vicariously through the internet! In fact, why not empower yourself by starting your own blog - about waiting for other blogs to be updated. Of course, no-one would want to read this small-time rubbish. But, if nothing else you'd be contributing to a curious statistic : more people write blogs than actually read them.
But on with my adventures! Since last posting, I have been engaged in a project teaching a pig to sing. And, sadly, the attempt ended in total, complete and unmitigated failure. The damn thing just wouldn't hold a tune. It tried to trick me too - deceiving me with elaborate dance routines to cover up its failure. But its sensitive interpretation of Swan Lake couldn't disguise its utter inability to memorise the lyrics to the Beatles' back catalogue. I was tempted to shoot it, but it pleaded so eloquently, I let it go. So ungrateful, really; it just couldn't learn, couldn't see beyond its own nose. So blind to the possibility of triumph.
I vented my frustrations by driving into a wilderness and screaming at rotten tree stump. And then I came home to update this blog.
posted by dadfield | 11:33 AM
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